I find that when I’m working on something the point comes where I have to decide if I want to keep at it or put it away because it’s simply not up to par. I have a much bigger fear of not saying anything at all, so I force myself to try to put things out there and at least get them done.

With my music, this comes out oddly – I have either my mainstream music and game music that I think, whatever, if people like it they will, if not than okay, but I’m helping something here – and I don’t really mind if it’s a message -I- want to say or not. I know that simply by creating it it’s got my voice inherently, and its being heard. My art music (what I write for school), I am MUCH more selective about, and it needs to be perfected. Who knows if it’ll ever even get out there, but I make that for myself and myself alone, and only unleash it when it is perfect to my standards.

To summarize, I try not to be an ABSOLUTE perfectionist snob to the point where something would never get done (this does not mean I settle, let me make that point clear) – but if it’s something I consider more artistic in nature and something with more value to me, I want it to be absolutely polished.

Fear is something you have to learn to get beyond – it’s really all about putting yourself out there and being confident in what you do. In music, this means I write what I like to hear, and that gives me confidence that other people will like it, so I have no problem sharing it. You just have to believe in yourself, and if you need faith to do that than by all means have the faith (I know I certainly need faith to get by sometimes).

~fin~

However, after the second or third time I recognized it as part of the creative process. So, now I just ignore it as much as I can. It’s getting easier.

I don’t necessarily understand it, but I can predict it and compensate for it.

During these moments of discouragement I tend to cling to friends who are good at reassuring me a lot of the time that I just need to press on. But there’s the odd time I am sort of feel completely lame, where every idea that comes out seems like it falls short.

I’ve yet to finish anything lengthy because of my inability to focus and have commitment instead of just ambition over long periods of time, I suppose.

I am also still finishing off my Computer Science degree, so I’ve constantly had problems with juggling work, life and fun. Classes pretty consumed all my free time, distracted me, or drained my creativity. In a lot of cases, I’d start/resume a game project when I wasn’t busy, but then a couple days later I’d get swamped with work. And sometimes it’d be like… two weeks later before I even had time to think about non-school things.

I always think the successful indie devs must have like ungodly time management skills, because how else do you manage to juggle life’s demands and still constantly make time to create awesome things, AND force yourself to deliver?

If you’re working on school or at a job and creating stuff in your free time, then yeah I think it helps you focus more on what is “fun/good/positive” about what you’re doing. If you’re basing your entire livelihood on your ability to make stuff that other people will enjoy, it does start to feel more like work and I think you become more self-critical than you would otherwise. You have to be able to understand what other people see when they experience your stuff, and that can be hard sometimes.

But a lot of this also depends on the individual personalities involved. In my case, I tend to get very down about the things I’m working on every so often. A number of my indie game dev friends do this to – but others hardly ever. In spite of it all, somehow we end up finishing things and releasing them. I agree with you about the concept of a strong “desire to create”. I’m not sure if it can be broken into components, or if its a component in and of itself. (maybe both are true?)

In terms of getting inspiration from other planes of existence, based on (my limited understanding of) how our brains work – we all make things by mixing other things we’ve experienced together and passing it through our own internal quality filters. So in that sense, yeah I don’t know that we really invent things so much as discover them.

I think ultimately it’s indicative of having a productive balance of confidence and humility. I started out wildly fluctuating between the two with great highs and lows but I think it’s important to keep that balance in order to not become some huge over-confident asshole. An “i’m right, you’re wrong” kind of artist. If I got to that point, I’d stop learning and growing as an artist… I think.

Of course, if fear wins out, then I would have never started in the first place, or at least never showed anyone my drawings/work/games. The roller coaster is a useful pain, and I think recognizing it like you’ve done here will curb the highs and lows.

Another issue, with fear/faith. I’ve found it’s increasingly more and more important to surround myself with people that believe in me and my dream. That’s actually kind of a tall order sometimes since shit can get really really rough. The people that love you don’t want to see you suffer financially/socially etc., so it becomes a question if they can cast their own fears off in favor of The Dream.

As for the last question… I want to clarify the muddy, complex issues we go through in hopes of giving people a different way to think about their life.

I think that once you get a few games, books, songs, whatever you want to create out there, you begin to get a sense of your own “voice” and that is what gives you more confidence – and why I believe you are more able to accept negative feedback or reign in blind faith, because you are constantly checking what you are currently doing with that “voice”.

I always find it interesting to hear about really creative people when they talk about where they get their ideas. Many of them feel that those ideas already existed in some other plane of existance somehow, and that – instead of being creators, they are merely the means by which some amazing idea decided to make itself manifest. Do you ever get that feeling?

The drive to create is such a huge factor in my life that for me, the tension is always between having enough time/energy and this drive to create. Fear and Faith are somewhat secondary. Perhaps it’s almost like Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. I’m “lower down” on this hierarchy since I lack time. Whereas your set of “needs” are at a higher level because your need for time is satisfied. Perhaps if somehow I were given all the time I needed to create, I would begin to see the tension of fear and faith that you describe.